Anyone know some jokes related to chess? Here's one that I thought of:
What's the most explosive square on a chessboard?
C4
If you know any other jokes, post them below!
Q. Which chess piece is the most powerful?
A. The knight: It goes over the top.
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
One of my favorites-it can be modified for golf, baseball, and many other sports.
And this is also funny, A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came aross an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"
"Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.
"But I don't see anyone with you."
"That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everwhere!"
"You have a powerful opponent, then!"
"Yes, but a fair one."
"And is He winning?" asked the merchant.
"It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."
"Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.
"I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.
"Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."
"But wait, how do you pay Allah?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
"Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
"No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"
"And however will Allah pay you?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."
Clarke about Petrosian: “He does nothing, but he does it very well.” BOOM Haha
“It is always better to sacrifice your opponent’s men.” - Tartakover
Rule of thumb in chess.
Guy 1: Do you recommend any hot webpage?
Guy 2: Indeed, check out "Black is okay".
I know some fast jokes:
- The pawn is gay because he wants to become a queen
- The king is sad because he can't eat the queen
- USA is never playing Chess because he's afraid to lose his towers (Yeah, that is black jokes, please don't be mad)
- "Hello, do you have a book to become GM in not many time?
+ Yeah, go to science fiction"
1 chessplayer : Someone making puzles
2 chessplayers: One game
3 chessplayers: someone obtrusive with comentaries
- I win you again, are you the better player here?
+ No, this one from there is the best one; I'm only 1950 ELO, and you?
- I'm painter, but I was walking around here and they told me to sit here and move this pieces
Here's one I heard some time ago:
What's better, sex or chess?
Depends on the position.
Also, I saw somebody else came up with the C4 one before me! :(
"I remember once I was in Switzerland and my wife told me,'I put some of your stuff in the safe – the code is very easy to remember, it’s 2706, so you can take whatever you need.' And I told her, 'Well, 2706 is not really a good Elo rating. Normally it’s rounded off to the nearest 5 or 10'. So I told her I couldn’t see how I could remember that. She looked a bit shocked and then she explained to me that the 27th June is our anniversary."
- Viswanathan Anand
